Great Moments In Text Message History: The New Cocky/Funny

Background

Back in my day, the only good book we had to learn about flirtatious banter was David D’s Double Your Dating. A classic in its own rite, DYD put forth the cocky and funny (CnF) paradigm that became the blessing and curse of the last decade. For the three people reading who are unfamiliar with CnF, David D advocates making offhanded cocky remarks that a woman can’t help but find hilarious. Often the humorous subtext of CnF is that the guy is “cooler” than the girl, and, as such, he should “tease” her. In other words, CnF means treating a woman you want to sleep with as if she were your “bratty little sister.”

And that’s my problem with CnF: I don’t want to sleep with my bratty little sister.

Thus, teasing in such a contrived manner always felt alien to me. I mean, I understand the funny half. I even understand the cocky half. But the two together just never seemed to jive. I never understood why guys thought antagonizing girls they were obviously attracted to was helpful. And if I don’t understand it, you can bet the girls don’t understand, either.

Personally, I find flirting by making comments that bring me closer to the girl is more natural, plus it makes more sense to her. Let’s face it: she knows why you’re talking to her, dudes. It’s not some big shocker that you’re attracted to her. I don’t care what your pickup books and DVDs told you, you’re not flying stealth or going under the radar. The only guys who can do that are gay guys…because they’re gay.

Regardless, here’s a snippet from a text message I convo I (literally) just had where I used CnF to express my interest.

Great Moment in txt Message History

Rob: no, because it’s not like we’re going to seriously date

Rob: I know you playerette

Babe: im not lol

Babe: i want to settle down

Rob: sow your wild oats first hun

Babe: and why would u not seriosuly date me? I could take offense to that sweety!!!

Babe: dont care about aots

Babe: oats

Rob: because we’d be too perfect for each other

Rob: we’d ruin each other for every other person we’d ever date

Babe: dude really? what makes you think we would break up?

Babe: LOL

Rob: then you’d have to have my 10,000 children

Rob: which we’d name after late 90s rappers

Babe: that depends….which rappers?

Rob: ha you’ll find out when you have the children

Babe: you know hun the guy doesnt get to choose

Rob: hardy har har har

Babe: u r NOT calling my child vanilla ice!