Shadow Boxing for Frame Control

Last week I wrote a post talking about what I believe is the number one reason many guys never become successful at picking up women. The reason, in my opinion, many guys never get successful is because they are practicing wrong.

In the article I spoke about how “pressure retards learning” and how the high pressured environment of a bar or club is generally not conducive to learning. Most of this research I quoted came from a book called Psycho Cybernetics.  I then wrote a second article giving a more practical way to practice interacting with women in a low pressure environment.  I called the technique Sparring and it basically involves practicing your interactions on girls  where there is no  desired outcome.  Similiar to a boxer who spars with his trainer, these girls are solely meant help you deliver lines, improve flirting, and build confidence.

I was lucky enough to be dating a girl who had a social circle full of friends to practice on.  I realize that not all guys will have access to female acquaintances to spar with.  So I am going to introduce another concept for practicing called Shadow Boxing.

Shadow Boxing

From Psycho Cybernetics.

Gentleman Jim Corbett made the word “shadow-boxing” famous.  When asked how he developed the perfect control and timing for his left jab which he used to cut John Sullivan to ribbons, Corbett replied that he had practiced throwing his own left in the mirror 10,000 times in preparation for the fight.

Famous athletes, actors, comedians, politicians, and salesman all practice their craft at home, in front of a mirror, an empty auditorium, or just standing alone in their living room every day.  What separates the good from the great is that the great practice more than anyone else.  Period.

The greats practice in private with as little pressure as possible.  They arrange everything to make practice as relaxed and pressure free as possible.  The result is that they go into the crisis of competition without appearing to have any nerves at all.  It is almost like they become immune to pressure, not worrying about how they will perform, but depending on “brain response and muscle memory” to execute exactly what they’ve learned.

How this relates to picking up women

I think fundamentally we all know that we should force ourselves to practice this stuff at home.  We’ve watched the guys on The Pick Up Artist rehearsing their routines and reciting openers to themselves, but I don’t believe nearly enough guys are doing this.

For most of us, the first time we deliver a routine or opener, it is to a set of girls.  Maybe we’ve said it to ourselves for memory purposes… but we haven’t spent an hour standing in front of a mirror-perfecting the way we tell a story.  We have watched ourselves for hours, making necessary adjustments to our body language. Nor have we written down dozens of different objections or shit test a girl can throw your way- and then practice an equal amount of responses you can reply with.

Shadow Boxing for Frame Control

The fact is, the more times you’ve told a story, the more confident you will be telling it. The more times you’ve delivered an opener, the more confident you will delivering it.  And the more times you’ve reflected shit test, the more easily you will be able to maintain the control of the frame in an interaction.

Now, I am in no way advocating that you never go out and practice in field.  That would be ludicrous.  But I am advocating that you make an equal (and in the beginning greater) amount of time for shadow boxing by your self.

This means doing all those things that seem absolutely tedious.  It means having imaginary conversations, recording and editing your tonality, improving your body language, and perfecting the art of telling a story.

When you watch a movie like James Bond, you have to understand that the reason that the actor plays the part so well, is that he has spent a shit load of time rehearsing.  He’s not going to get it right the first take  And you can bet your ass that he would never get in front of the director without having perfected the character first on his own time.

Most of you are probably reading this thinking is absurd to spend time practicing alone.  But that is why most guys will never be “Great” with women. Sure, you might get good. But if you want to get “great” you need to do what the “great” athletes, actors, politicians, and salesman do.

How many three pointers do you think Michael Jordan took on his own time?  How many swings of the golf club has Tiger Woods taken when no one was watching?  How many times do you think Barak Obama recited those speeches to himself before performing them live?

Do you want to be great?