Build it and they Will Come

The following article is from a good friend of Mike and I. Justin was one of the original guys that I got into the community with 10 years ago… I’ve wrote about some of our adventures in my Early Days series. We were the three guys that changed many people’s perception of game back in our days at MSU. I got a million stories!!!

Justin has gone on to be a professional life coach, and has achieved everything he wanted in terms of women, success, and financial goals. He will be contributing articles here from time to time. I’m looking forward to his posts as he has taught me more about social dynamics than anyone else I’ve come in contact with.

Build it and They Will Come by Justin B

In the very popular and successful 1989 movie Field of Dreams, starring Kevin Costner and Ray Liotta, protagonist Ray Kinsella played by Costner is told early in the movie by a mysterious voice Build it and he will come as he walks through the cornfield on his large farm. After this, Kinsella gets a very clear vision of a baseball field in his cornfield and believes deep inside of himself that there is a connection between the build it part of what he heard and the vision of the baseball field. His wife is skeptical but tells him to follow his vision and build the field. After several months, some of the deceased ballplayers from the shamed 1919 Chicago White Sox baseball team show up on his field and now he more deeply understands the message that he chose to have faith in: to “build it” and trust that they “will come.” If you have seen this excellent movie you know it teaches many life lessons and has some great underlying messages and themes to it. What I would like to focus on today, though for our purposes is this key phrase “Build it and he will come” and how it can be applied to your own life with women. For our purposes, let us translate this phrase into “Build it and they will come.”

As a motivational Life Coach I often deal with men that tell me that they have a difficult time attracting and dealing with quality women. I often tell them that one of their main problems I see is that they are too focused on getting women and not focused enough on building their own life and their own self-confidence and self-esteem, which will easily translate into attracting women. When you are being fulfilled in multiple areas of your life, and you build your life up to a point where you feel good about it and, as they say, “have your shit together”, women will pick up on the very confident and responsible vibe you give off. I think you all intuitively understand that what I am saying is that you have to have a strong basis for your self-esteem outside of your success with women and that, ironically, this will attract women.

Many men often note that men that seem to land a quantity of quality women into their beds give off a vibe that they “don’t really care.” It is not that they don’t really care; it is rather that they are so fulfilled and focused on the other parts of their lives that they don’t have a lot of time to worry about how they are doing with women. Women pick up on their vibe of independence and self-fulfillment and this is very attractive- both emotionally and sexually- for women. A woman I was talking with recently told me that it is very sexy for a guy to be very into his job, his friends, his family, sports, etc. because she said that it expresses a sense of confidence and fulfillment that he is strong and that he could “be strong for her.” Remember that a personality trait that women often get frustrated with about themselves is the fact that their self-esteem is too much based on what the opposite sex thinks; the last thing that they want is to be with a man that has the same issue. The men who have mastered this principle have inadvertently taught themselves and us a valuable lesson about the connection between their own lives and their success with women: “Build it and they will come.” So how can you apply this philosophy to your life and “build” your own life up to make room for them to “come”? Here are some starting points although by now I am sure you get the idea.

1) Find a cause, purpose, or career that you are passionate about.

If you can idenitfy your core passions and pursue them you will find yourself much more fulfilled in a holistic and overall way. Hopefully, this is your career but if not find something that interests you, besides women of course, and become passionate about it. Become charismatic and excited about it. Men find themselves best when they are happy with their work. Being this way will put your much more in touch with your own masculine energy and will make you very appealing.

2) Lift weights.

I am not just saying this for the reason you might be thinking: that women like muscles. When you lift weights you are going to be getting in touch with and expressing your masculinity even outside of the gym. While you release endorphins and build your emotional and physical muscles, you will attract attention with your very masculine vibe.

3) Practice meditation or some form of relaxation

You may have never considered meditation or consider it something for New Age weirdos. You may even consider it something for women. Learning to meditate, though,will build your self-confidence becase you will slowly get in touch with the negative thoughts that are holding back your success with women and other areas of your life. As you become more content and build your self confidence at a deep level, they will come in droves because you too “will not care.” Find a local meditation class or buy a book or CD on meditation. I usually reccomend to clients anything by Steven Halpern or Deepak Chopra.

Do not get into the trap of doing these things solely to attract women. See the value in them because you will feel better and therefore will not need women to make you feel good about yourself. Then watch how as you “build” your life, “they” will come.